Running the gauntlet.

I mentioned a few weeks ago all the upcoming appointments I had throughout the next few months…Leave it to me not to remember that this particular week would be full of back to back appointments that would have me bedbound on a beautiful sunny October day (my favorite).

A lot of things this week were referrals months in the works…for example: neuro-ophthalmology had been booked back in January (for August) and in April I was called to reschedule it to this past Tuesday. Frustrating? Oh, hell yes. When you have such a large diagnostic and care team, it’s hard to be the one to manage all the information. In my case, I left a neurology practice for what I felt was poor quality of care only to have to start over with a new neuro team, who in turn, wanted all their bases covered by their own specialists (neuro-op) in order to build a comprehensive treatment plan.

An info session with a new support group…when dealing with severe depression and social anxiety, those things are like pulling teeth with no novocaine. I survived it, though! Whether I’ll be able to handle the biweekly group remains to be seen, but baby steps in that direction are nothing but progress.

I’m telling y’all, I don’t think I have much blood left at this point. I’ll be back in for a transfusion in no time.

MRI/MRV, a new CT scan, x-rays, and through the grace of whatever higher power I’ve managed to delay a spinal tap for at least a few more weeks after them wanting it scheduled for Wednesday morning.

After all was said and done with the rest of the appointments, there was also a sleep study to check on a variety of sleep issues…Nothing like trying to sleep hooked up like a christmas tree and being woken up to do random things on command all night…so restful! Regardless, here I am today, observing my little slice of October through my bedroom window from the relative comfort of my bed, recuperating.

Trying to manage multiple chronic issues and being a solo toddler mama and a student is probably the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced. I’m not complaining. I don’t curse my bad luck for my health issues, and I don’t regret the decision to become the mama to the sweet smart and funny little boy that is my little sunny October afternoon every day. I can’t say I don’t whine about being a student, but I keep going!

Through all the stress of the past month it’s easy to see in my writing when my head is just a total and complete mess. My last entry here I reread just a day later and was floor at how rambling and nonsensical it was…I’m not even sure what point I was trying to get across with it. At the time, I suppose, it fulfilled the need to write and just get some of the crap trapped in there out. As hard as it is to make sense of, the overwhelming feeling of relief that comes with hitting the “Publish” button at the bottom of this page is worth the potential confusion and disarray of whatever word vomit happens to be in this little text box at the time.

Never discount the power of letting it all out. It’s not a replacement for therapy, but it’s a good in-between exercise!


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