Initially I started posting to blow off steam and encourage myself to be pseudo-productive during stints of bedbound bodily meltdown. In truth, I have, but despite the series of half-edited posts waiting in the wings, I simply haven’t had the ambition to polish any one turd to publish.
Our move happened. It was tedious. Buying a house wasn’t so awful as FINDING a house we wanted to buy, and we are more or lest situated comfortably with only a handful of boxes left unpacked in the garage (that probably contain the things we looked for desperately and finally bought new in the first few weeks here). I wasn’t wrong to dread the medical process, however. We have been here since December, and I have had a series of urgent care and ER visits, but only one actual appointment with a care provider only to find out that they will not be able to maintain me as a regular patient due to all the chronic issues. Just too complicated and ain’t nobody got time for that.
As a result I’m severely undermedicated at the moment. Strange statement, but true. All I have on board are meds to keep my blood pressure from sending my bitty little skull through the roof like the lid of a pressure cooker with a broken release valve. It’s been interesting to navigate, but has been eye opening as well. I finally have an answer as to whether or not some of my debilitating symptoms were side effects of medications (Yes, yes some were!) and know that some of my newer symptoms has persisted and progressed to the point of concern and are more indicative of my chronic issues wearing on the body over time. All in all, at least there’s some value in being a constant ball of raw nerve pain and general disagreeable nature. (Let’s not discuss the lovely depression and anxiety cycles just yet. I’m not ready.)
I’d like to imagine that by this time next year maybe I’ll have some great experiences to write about and will casually chuckle at my misgivings as I simply needed to figure out the red tape for this new state, but for now I’m going to hold on to the seat of my pants, pull up my bootstraps, and keep on hobbling. Fingers crossed it’s not as insane a process as it’s seeming like it will be.
Putting the Hell in Health 